1. I change our family plans due to the rain and take Jay and her mate Tim to another children’s show instead. It’s a play about recycling and we all really like it.
2. I check on Jay and she’s asleep in her bed with a big sign on her cover saying “I fell asleep all by myself”. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to say she wouldn’t be allowed to stay up all night on New Year’s Eve unless she went to bed on her own tonight, or maybe it was, because Em and I finally get to talk long into the night about things that bother and hurt her.
3. I have heard it so many times but it is only tonight that it dawned on me. ‘Absent’. I feel very much at peace having struggled with this for such a long time and finally realizing there is a word for what I have been feeling.

1. Jay left me a note under my pillow telling me she couldn’t sleep in her own bed. I haven’t found it but I notice it in her hands while she watches cartoons on TV.
2. The smell of my apple pie.
3. Majda and I met at the university. I cannot recall the exact time and place, but I am pretty sure it had to do with checking our scores after the exams and since our surnames at the time both started with the letter –p we must have both waited for the same professor and started talking. It’s been more than 25 years since and we still talk. And we can be ourselves. Today she came visit with her family.

1. I start my day on Em’s new stationary bike.
2. A pot full of cabbage wraps.
3. I see I have enough time to take Jay to a children’s show to Zalec. Our neighbor’s youngest son (and Jay’s classmate) joins us and we are a happy bunch of three.

1. At least half of the office is empty with people being on holidays and it makes it so much easier to work efficiently.
2. I haven’t heard Morrisette’s Hand in my pocket in a long time, but today I have and I really like it.
3. The children’s show with the magician is sweet and Jay enjoys it a lot.

1. I have only had a couple of hours of sleep but the pain from the ear infection is gone although I still have a slight headache. It’s a little too early for a celebratory margarita so I do a 20-minute exercise instead. Feeling good, really good.
2. There are left-overs from yesterday, so there is little cooking and even that is done at a really slow pace.
3. A call from T suggesting I imagine participating in her gong session over the next 30 minutes to let go of whatever I want to release. Pain would be fine, pain of all kind.

1. Nobody knows whether my e-mails can be retrieved or not, once my old e-mail address is restored, and that is the price I have to pay for not being informed about the side effects of this change by B. But the guy on the other side of the line says I might get my inbox all back and that is good enough for now.
2. Making dinner on Christmas Eve always seems overwhelming task before actually getting down to it but it all works out in time and in a relaxing atmosphere.
3. I pray for Peace to penetrate every inch of our being, even if only tonight, for very short time.

1. I really like talking to Renata, the librarian. She is Polish and shares details about their traditional Christmas dinner.
2. The 2nd Graders’ Christmas performance warms our hearts. Jay reads the opening lines, dances the Autumn scene, does their version of the Cup song… and it is all so wonderful.
3. I read the book in one sitting.

1. I saw it on a Candid camera once how a lady entered a diner and it was all empty, nobody around to serve her, and all of a sudden the conveyor belt, set on a counter started moving and out of nowhere came glass bowls with ice-cream topped with whipped cream that would end up on the floor one by one, until the lady started removing the bowls from the belt. But the belt kept going faster and faster and the lady had to hurry more and more to prevent the bowls from dropping on the floor, and had no place to put the ice-creams anymore because there were so many and they just kept coming... She panicked, kept calling out for help but nobody came to her rescue… until “You are on Candid Camera…!”. I keep waiting for the crew to appear and shout “You are on Candid Camera!” here at the office. Imagining this happen cheers me up every time. There is lots of sarcasm behind this, surely. Same with the rubber ball that is still on my desk waiting to be dropped in Mrs. Boss’ office.
2. I hand him pizza wrapped in foil, and a cup of hot coffee. He mumbles something, shivering from cold, the Lost Man I have seen walking by the side of the road so many times.
3. My girl dancing on stage. I see her.

1. I hear the excitement in Jay’s voice over the phone as she shares the news about her reading the opening lines at the parents & children meeting on Wednesday.
2. Nobody’s missing, all ladies came, and we have a good laugh together. Same time, every year.
3. I walk up to our house in the light of the big full moon.

1. I get up and realize my prayers have been heard: I am given space, even if only for a couple of hours.
2. I try to make the most out of the sunny day by encouraging the girls to take a long walk together. Em reluctantly comes along and walks back earlier to study for her history test, but Jay is eager to meet up with another friend on the way so she keeps pace.
3. While Em and her mates rehearse the Little Mix’ song upstairs, and Jay happily participates, I hide away to listen to this.

1. Jakob’s free fall on the couch. What a little champ!
2. It’s been foggy all day long. I give a call to Jay’s new friend’s mom to invite the girl over for playing, and she says they are just on their way to our neighborhood, only that they are by foot and that she would really like the children to spend time out in the open air. I am more than happy about this and we join them on their hike. We end up getting invited in by our more distant neighbors’ for tea and cookies.
3. My first time brownies. I always dreaded making any other than those from readymade mixtures. But these are delicious.

1. An encouraging e-mail from a friend.
2. A call from Em to tell me she will be rehearsing with the girls for their school talents’ show.
3. A get-together with friends.

1. I panic. Then I focus. Bird by bird. Bird by bird.
2. I step out of the house and there is this big black ceiling again, but with bright stars.
3. “… and then there will be another group of children dancing like this…” and Jay shows me the moves, “but it won't be exactly like this, because only N, the gym teacher, can do it because she is ‘stretchy.’ ” I laugh out loud.

1. I realize I have run out of hemp seeds to add to my granola. But then I remember the bag of hemp bran.
2. We are a little late but still on time. I love it when I am just a few minutes late and come to find out that I haven’t missed a thing…
3. Jay is waiting for me in her bed, and Em is eager to try the goodies I have brought from our cooking class. And that is all that matters right now.

1. By the time I reach the other side of the hill, which is a 30 minute hike away, my headache is gone.
2. After Jay reads out load two columns of an article from the daily to me to work on her reading skills, she wants a lesson in English.
3. I was sent the link to this spot about our local factory, the only one still operating in the area, and seeing my cousin in it makes my late evening.



Last instructions before the school charity event
Nov 22nd, 2013



1. One e-mail and I become too worked out about the whole situation within the company and with my work in particular to be able to continue. I decide to take my lunch break right away. As I cross a parking lot I hear the woman getting out of her car saying ‘I had to take the f- shoes back to the store…’. I look away because I can’t help laughing at how we are all the same in ways of dealing with issues sometimes.
2. She stops by my desk and tells me about how impressed she was by Em’s performance at the school charity event end of November, by her ease while standing in the spotlight together with her classmate, announcing the next speaker or the next performer.
3. Mailing off a couple of Christmas cards. I enjoy mail.

1. I really appreciate things balancing out when it seems like it’s happening in my favor.
2. Something new on our Sunday home menu: Mexican soup and onion pie.
3. Jay and I go for a walk in the dark. Jay is fascinated by the beauty of it all, the stars, the moon, the lights in the valley.

1. The morning sunlight has turned the meadow and the trees behind our house into gold. Enjoying the view right from my bed.
2. The story about the reconciliation of my childhood friend’s brother with the family is one of the best ones I have heard lately. May there be many throughout this season.
3. I can’t take my eyes off of the western skies.

1. ‘Let there be Light!’ We repeat after St. Nicholas and there it is.
2. It’s been a really successful day at school for Em. She is really good at rhetoric class and got an A for her strong argumentation about the pros of I-pads’ use at schools.
3. I am grateful I learnt about the incident between my cousin and my Mom only after I had interacted with my relatives. Now I have the time to deal with it myself, and to help my Mother get over it before we all run into each other someplace.

1. I panic about the work I haven’t completed at the office but it’s 3.30 p.m. and I need to go home. My desk is a total mess for almost two months now, but I drop everything and just walk out, into the sun.
2. A 20-minute walk in the cold.
3. My memory of St. Nicholas and the little devils goes back to my age of about 6 or 7 when my auntie and I hid on the balcony of our grandparents’ house where we lived, and peeked down till one of the devils noticed us and started climbing up the column supporting the balcony, and we ran inside screaming and locked the balcony door behind. Those were times of great expectations and joy, and they are just as wonderful today as I spend them with my girls.

1. An orange horizon at sunrise.
2. Halloween photos of his daughter on fb.
3. Making noise with dirty dishes at nearly 10 p.m.

1. I try to get Jay to resume the two stories, but she is joking most of the time which I don’t really mind because I enjoy her humor and her cheerful attitude.
2. Either I grab a chocolate bar from the bag, full of sweets, hidden downstairs, or I go for a walk in the freezing dark… I choose to get moving.
3. Em’s been having lots of pain and problems chewing since the last appointment at her orthodontist, but in the evening as we watch our series she says she is feeling a little better.

1. I love the excitement in the voice on the other side of the line. Jay’s getting ready for her athletics.
2. Onion has proven to be a good substitute for ham on a homemade pizza.
3. It was a bitter sweet evening. It started out with my dancing to youtube music in the kitchen and ended up with Em sitting next to me on my bed, asking me how I was which led me to bury my face in my hands and cry without a sound. She was the only one to ask the question. I have much to look forward to, I am just not aware of it sometimes.

1. One summer day when Jay was a little baby, lying in her pram, a swarm of bees appeared from behind the house, flying high above the roof and then down over to exactly where the pram was standing. I heard the noise, looked up in horror and ran across the lawn. Luckily, by the time I reached the pram, the swarm had flown up high into the air again and away, not leaving a single bee behind to sting my baby. It is this horribly wonderful event that I remember while listening about St. Ambrose and the bees at church today.
2. When the dough is ready I call the girls to help. We end up with two plates of gnocchi ready for boiling and a happy face, all three of us.
3. Jay has learnt to play Silent Night on the piano all by herself. No music notes. She plays it again for me and beams with pride.