- Her concentration shows on her face while she plays. Her bow is a little awkward because she is a little shy and nervous. She is sweet, so sweet, my girl.
- The smell of vinegar in our bathroom.
- It’s been a long and hard working day. I thank myself with a long shower and some bodylotion.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
- When I open my eyes again I see the world hasn’t come down on me yet and I know I can get through the day despite the panic I am feeling.
- Waste paper collection at school. The lady opens the trunk of her car and brings out boxes and boxes filled with old magazines and other paper.
- I have never been to a theater performance where the ending depended on the decision of the audience, until tonight. Hilarious.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
- I take a long morning to have a different and a better start of my day.
- It’s Mother’s Day and I have been invited to join Jay at school in the early afternoon. The get-together is different from what I expected which is good. First the children sing a few folk songs about mommies and Spring and picking flowers, and then we have creative workshops all around the classroom. I get over my initial discomfort as Jay leads me through the process, self-confident as she is about crafting, and we end up with lovely little things to take home with us.
- I listen to them both reading at church, thinking my girls are absolutely the best (just like all other moms feel about their own child, participating in the sermon), and feel grateful for all this love and for this day.
Monday, March 24, 2014
- There has been a slight reorganization again and I now have the colleague that I have been communicating with over the phone, sitting opposite from me. And that is nice.
- After the first shock I go through a whole range of feelings and it’s really bad because it is not just about the cypresses in our garden, and the devastating amateur pruning; it is about everything and everybody in my life. I am only grateful that I manage to get through the rest of the day without taking it out on anyone, especially not on my girls.
- A pile of inspiring books on my nightstand so I just grab one and tap into it.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
My 3BT over the weekend:
- My Saturday morning 3-hour hike. I run into some great people that I hadn’t seen in years.
- A wonderful Sunday afternoon 3-hour charity concert. Although we are late we get good seats and enjoy the show enormously.
- Working in the vegetable garden. Seeds are in the ground and I am most happy it’s raining.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
- I leave Jay with the rest of the children and their coach and go for a hike up and down the trail I used to jog 20 and more years ago. It’s sunny and green and beautiful. And I make the most of one single hour.
- I stop at the local florist’ and buy a lovely hydrangea in a ceramic pot for my friend. It is exactly what I wanted to get for her birthday.
- I return late and as I get out of the car I look up at the sky, so full of stars that I can’t stop looking. The only thing that makes walk inside it knowing Em is still up and waiting for me.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
- A creamy home-made yoghurt makes the last two hours at the office bearable. And that is a really good thing.
- As soon as Jay sees the violets she closes the door of her room and shows me the present she has made for my Mom: a lovely paper round box. Mom says she will use it for jelly bonbons and put it on her dining table.
- Reading a few pages from an inspirational book calms my anxiety and frustration, and then I am more than ready to listen about the pressure from Em's school teacher and to get some laundry done before going back to bed.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
- I stop at the store on my way from church and can’t resist buying the Sunday paper.
- Jay and I walk by the river, pick pebbles, and then continue to the ponds. We spend some time savoring the moment at Jay’s new favorite spot, sitting on a bench on an island, then get greeted by two swans and Jay is absolutely smitten by them. And even with a long walk back home, this turns out to be a lovely sunny afternoon.
- Every Sunday evening I blow dry Em’s hair and although I don’t particularly enjoy it, because Em is never happy with her hair, I love our time together, because there is always a thing she would like to know more about, an issue she would like to discuss, and there is no distraction other than the noise of the blow-dryer that I can always turn off.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
- The world can be so beautiful in the morning. Especially with a big orange right in front of us, on the highway, and Em in the back seat all the way to Celje.
- Jay’s and Eva’s duet on the piano. A performance on stage in front of many parents. I feel nervous while Jay plays energetically and confidently.
- You know that only thing that has made whole thing worthwhile has been those few times that I was able to truly connect with another person, says George in A Single Man.
Monday, March 10, 2014
- Jay is having a swimming class every day this week. And she is in the group of 2nd Graders swimming in the big pool. She is beaming with pride when she shares the news.
- It is hard to deal with one’s own ambition and disappointment and find satisfaction in having learnt a lot in the process, but I think Em is getting there. It is so wonderful to watch her grow in all ways.
- Jay really enjoys our late Monday afternoons and comes up with a new creative project for us every time. Today it is a hanging mobile. She brought in a stick she had found outside while dashing on her foldable scooter, which shows that she has had this in mind even before all the rest of the family left. And then we start cutting and drawing and tying, and for a while nothing else matters.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
- I give myself the permission to just cook and not do anything else.
- The paralyzing feeling of fear threatens to take over. But I have two bored girls just asking for action and there is nobody else around to react. The walk up to the ruins of Zovnek castle in all this sun, with great views of the lake down beneath, is just what we need.
- The stories I read on the web may not be about where I want to be, but they are inspiring and that is good.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
- I say no to cheese and that isn’t an easy thing for me. I get through the day dairy-free.
- Jay wants us both to be creative, so she draws a clown and I do collage. Whenever I do things like this, which is not often, I have a strange and funny feeling in my head as if I was activating a different part of my brain.
- Jay beats Em and me at O'Rummy. I love it when the three of us play games in Jay’s small room, sitting close to one another on the soft pink and blue carpet.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Over the last three days…
- Girls have gone skating, skiing, met with friends for play dates, seen an amateur theater performance, read books and magazines and enjoyed themselves a lot. I love being a part of it all.
- A get together with an old friend. It is nice to catch up and find out that we have even more things in common now.
- The sun in my eyes and on my cheeks.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
- We have a couple of good laughs together and I get a lot of useful information, so I know I am profiting from this although my enthusiasm is far below the level I had at the first session two weeks ago.
- Jay has agreed with her piano teacher to play the Snowman at the last production. I am happy about this and looking forward to listening to her practice over the next months.
- I sneak into the bedroom and read a few pages from the book about a 12-month travel.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
- Walking really slowly to the mall. Having a decaf. Then walking back. Walking is challenging these days. Challenges are good.
- Apple strudel. The girls love it, I love it. Thank you, Mom.
- The conversation over the phone isn’t as stimulating as the one two weeks ago, and I don’t see any progress, but I think that making a step back after I had made a step forward doesn’t bring me to the same spot I had been before.
Monday, February 17, 2014
- I get through the day with great lower-back pain. I am grateful for the pain because now I can appreciate having a full working spine just two days ago and again in a couple of days, hopefully.
- I hear her crying just because she failed at one exercise in the school test about months and seasons. It takes a while before she lets me enter her room and at first looks at me with disbelief when I tell her how very proud I am of her and why it is absolutely unimportant to know in which particular month people go swimming in the sea and All Saints’ Day is. A timid smile lights up her face and then she is ready to play the piano.
- I prepare a snack and leave it on the counter, thinking to myself that Em is definitely old and skilled enough to grab something to eat by herself when she gets home from her dancing class at 8 p.m. But then she walks in and gives me a hug, and it has nothing to do with the food waiting on the counter, and I know there is so much more I would like to do for her in that very moment and every day.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
- After a long walk down the road and back Jay picks snowdrops while I hold her doll Jerica.
- Em returns from a visit at her friend’s and shares the big news: K can get up from her wheelchair and stand on her toes! What improvement! I am so happy about this I send a text message to K’s parents.
- I sit at my new old desk and enjoy it enormously.