Thursday, March 5, 2015

  1. I am happy to be awake in the morning. What a nightmare.
  2. Elegant shoes with a flower pattern. I only spot them once throughout the day at the office but they stay with me.
  3. Late night wind raging in the tree tops behind our house and all around, making sounds that give me shivers. So grateful we are safe.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

  1. At sunrise a cloudy veil just above the horizon.
  2. The kind librarian makes copies of math exercises for Jay and doesn’t charge me anything.
  3. I feel depleted in the evening yet I stay up with Em who continues with her physics studies in my bedroom, and that is really nice, to have her sit on my bed next to me, with her notebooks wide open, to listen to her talking to herself, repeating definitions about things I know nothing about anymore, and to look at her smiling face when she exchanges messages with someone whose name she doesn’t want to reveal.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

  1. I really like my coworker’s T-shirt. Lots of glitter.
  2. I take a long lunch break. A walk to the mall and back, in the sun, breathing in Spring.
  3. I don’t think I need to buy any more black clothes. I have far too many, and now I want bright colors. Like pink, the color of sunrises.

Monday, March 2, 2015

  1. Waking my girls up in the morning is my highlight of the day. The warmth of their cheeks, their neck, their bodies. Like they have just come out of a cocoon.
  2. Em comes out of her room with a smile, happy with her studying for the test in physics.
  3. An e-mail about a new Sunday evening yoga class. I sign up.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

  1. I love it when I start my day with an exercise and not breakfast.
  2. Em says she can see spiders crawling from beneath dead leaves when walk through the woods and I laugh and tell her that she should better run then.
  3. I remember to fry some cheese croquettes and the girls love them.

Things I have done for the first (or after a long) time – Week 9

  1. been to a concert at the local music school
  2. checked the first real estate; it’s not the one, but it’s a start, the step I had been scared to take
  3. seen an Iranian movie on TV after a long time; my expectations weren’t met though
  4. found photos while copying files, taken right after the move into our house 11 years ago; Em’s eyes and smiles, so sweet.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

  1. When we return from our short hike I instantly decide to cut the dead stems of the shrub on the edge of our driveway. No prior planning.
  2. Mom helps me collect two bags of clothes, toys and children’s magazines that will make someone happy.
  3. All of a sudden I feel the urge to check my phone and I see an unanswered call from my friend.

Friday, February 27, 2015

  1. My colleague from work is so kind to offer me a lift to Zalec, to Jay’s music school.
  2. Em texts me that her chemistry test went really well.
  3. Jay beams after the practice with the professor, and says how proud she is to have played with him.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

  1. The view of the snow-capped hills in the morning.
  2. While Jay is at her music theory class I do a short hike in the woods. The trail is muddy and there is little light, so it seems really dark and scary and raw but I like it. Like I am on a survival quest.
  3. The filled pasta is really delicious. I have forgotten how good it can taste.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

  1. The room is only half full and most of the parents sit in back rows as if we were afraid of the teachers. There is an empty chair right in front of me and then my cousin walks in and takes it, and we get to chat before the meeting starts.
  2. On our way from the school parents’ meeting we talk about our children and our everyday, and then she gets into a topic I am very sensitive about. I soon come to realize it has nothing to do with me, but with her own situations that I can relate to from another point of view. I am really glad to interact with a person of common sense and emotional intelligence.
  3. It is only after I do my mini workout and read a few pages that I feel at peace with myself and the world.

Monday, February 23, 2015

  1. I pass a shop with sewing supplies. I walk in and buy some strings for friendship bracelets for Jay, in 10 different colors.
  2. Cuba is a lovely café downtown Celje. I have a decaf and cookies before the meeting. Enjoying the moment.
  3. As I walk in the bookstore I heave a sigh of relief. A white-bearded man standing next to the shelves with a book in his hands looks up, puzzled, then says: So many books, right? I smile back and reply with a yes.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Things I have done for the first (or after a long) time – Week 8

  1. gone ice skating
  2. transformed into a 1968 hippy 5 minutes before taking the girls to the school masquerade
  3. tried skiing again
  4. joined a 4-hour Saturday morning yoga class (my first yoga class ever)
  5. seen a local amateur theater comedy
  1. Sore muscles from my yesterday’s yoga class.
  2. Moved old toys to the upstairs’ room so I will bump into the huge pile more than once a day until I sort what is going and what is staying.
  3. Attended a local amateur theater comedy with Jay and my Mom.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

  1. I spend the whole morning in the sun on the ski slopes of Golte. So does Jay, while learning to ski. It feels good to be outside, in all that whiteness. I feel safe.
  2. I run into U, a colleague from work who has recently undergone an operation and then a breasts’ reconstruction. Her attitude is uplifting.
  3. Em helps me with uploading photos. I am still not used to my home computer, so her help is really appreciated.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Tonight I received a full blow. Apart from this late evening episode I can’t remember a single thing from that day. I have so much to be thankful though, so here goes:
  1. My girls.
  2. My endurance, my strength.
  3. My support system: my friends and family.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

  1. I feel a genuine excitement within while walking from the junction to the office.
  2. I was hoping I would not have to attend the business meeting. I couldn’t get out of it. It goes well.
  3. Now, years later, I get to know details about a story I thought I had only created in my mind. And there is nothing good about it, only that I am happy to see how far I have come in my self-appreciation.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

  1. As I bring the left-overs to the farm, just across the road from us, I run into our neighbor, a kind soul.
  2. A short late afternoon walk on an icy trail.
  3. I give Jay a massage of her right lower arm. She has had to practice piano playing with her teacher a lot today.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

  1. Jay's piano playing at the end-of-semester production is great. She is radiant on stage.
  2. A call from a friend.
  3. I am learning to walk right in, and right through, no more tip-toeing. I am claiming my power back. It feels good, really good.

Monday, February 9, 2015

  1. I wasn't looking for a birthday present but amid all the cute little things I see something Jay would be happy to have.
  2. Em says we could have our own reality show like the Kardashians. I like her remark, so sarcastically hilarious. Not that I have seen a single episode of theirs ever.
  3. At the end of the day I would have loved to let it all out, but I had no one to talk to. All I could was let go. And I did.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

  1. As I get out of the house and walk down the hill the clouds open up and there is the sun, so much sun.
  2. I run into the same elderly couple at almost the same spot on the trail where we met yesterday.
  3. I saw Still Alice tonight. And I feel so much appreciation for all the memories that I have… of my children, of the times when I was a student, of the prom, of my parents and grandparents, of my loves… of the beautiful and painful things that have happened to me, of the people that have once been a part of my life and then left for whatever reason, and of the ones that with me that I am happy to share my life with… All we really have is today.