- What a coincidence to be invited for a business lunch to the castle restaurant right in our little town...
- I am more than grateful the real estate agent was late and I had to leave within 30 minutes after his arrival.
- There was a strong message at the end of the play that brought tears to my eyes.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
The view of the bronze sculpture of a raftsman on the river’s bank through the library metal shutters
I can’t remember when was the last time…
- …I spent the entire Saturday morning at the library, looking for books I had always wanted to borrow, reading, looking through the windows down to the river…
- …I went to one of my favorite grill restaurants to have lunch all by myself…
- …I saw a movie about Christmas at the cinema…
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
- Many many daisies, still asleep, at the roundabout island in the cold morning.
- While I read a book there are three girls rehearsing for a class show in the next room, singing, giggling and having a great time.
- A walk in the dark, under a sky full of stars, away from humans and close to the Universe.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
- I read lying on Jay’s bed while Jay creates finger paper puppets from a promo magazine I brought from the bookstore. We are enjoying ourselves together, each in her own way, on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- My initial plan gets cancelled and I am so disappointed I could drive to the gas station and buy a big chocolate. But then I drive back and spend what is left of the day with my girls and myself.
- Gathering all the documents that I need to take along tomorrow. I will be fine. I don’t need a bad experience of that kind or any new one of any sort. I need good ones.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
I spent a day full of wonderful things in Ljubljana.
- I ran into Susannah, an old friend from my first job, at the Chai house. A short but sweet exchange about our lives.
- I wanted to take a photo through the bookstore window and realized I had forgotten it at some other store. I got it back!
- I called my 96-year old friend Nada but nobody answered the phone. I decided to go see her although she doesn’t like surprises. She was happy to have a visitor and I was happy to see her cheerful and sharp as always.
Monday, October 5, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
- A 5% discount! I am glad I asked.
- I find them both creating in the living room, enjoying their time together. Em is drawing a lovely zentangled elephant and Jay is waving friendship bracelets.
- I talk Jay into going for a walk. On our way back we stop at the orchard and enjoy the view of the valley down below. That is when she says she didn’t expect our trip to be this lovely.
Friday, October 2, 2015
- I had a headache after the session but I also felt more relaxed. I am grateful for the good experience.
- A pendant Jay will love.
- Jay and I attend the opening of an exhibition of paintings by local ameteur artists that takes place every year about same time. My old classmate from primary school and his wife are there, too, both painters. Great time. Beautiful works.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
- I watch her walk from the car to the school building, confidently and energetically.
- My appointments get scheduled much earlier than I expected, but that is a good thing. Soon is good.
- I let my Mom take my car in the afternoon so that I have a good excuse to walk down to get it back in the evening. These are my most refreshing 20 minutes of today.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sunday, September 27, 2015
- I have no idea what I did wrong the first time I tried installing my new computer mouse, but now it works. It’s red and wireless and mine.
- I take the piece of furniture I no longer use from the bedroom to one of the rooms upstairs. A good decision.
- In the evening Jay wants us to be creative, both of us, like we were last night. I draw zentangles again.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
- The orange sky at sunrise. What I like most about Fall is the breath-taking sky at sunrise, sunset and on starry nights.
- Jay suggests we take our bikes and ride up to the poet’s old cottage again. We walk around it, check the records of visitors for new names (but Jay’s from a few days ago is the last one), then we watch crazy clouds for a while, and ride back.
- I anticipate a peaceful end of the day, but then I get into a quarrel with Em. I come to realize it’s high time I let go of certain beliefs and encourage independence and responsibility of people around me. And that is good thing.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
- I think there was a sense of pride and honor in the professor’s announcement of the name of the class representative.
- I knew sooner or later she would want to ask me about it. So I agreed we go for coffee after the parents meeting. And be done with it. And that is a good thing.
- As soon as I walk in Jay is eager to share about her day and play the piano while I listen. And then she can’t stop clinging to me until she falls asleep.
Monday, September 14, 2015
- I go visit an old friend I used to work with. It is a surprise visit. We are thrilled to see each other and catch up.
- After class Jay twirls on the platform in front of the entrance to show me a part of the choreography she has learnt.
- She spreads her arms widely, while lying in bed, calling me mommy, mommy, mommy. We hold each other tightly and kiss goodnight.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
- Em is excited about her idea (about singing at the school performance in late December!) turning into a project.
- Indulging in pumpkin specialties at the local pumpkin exhibition.
- Jay refuses to walk, so we compromise to bike up to Neža Maurer’s house.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
- A hike in the golden late afternoon sunlight, sweetened by grapes and peaches.
- A deer dashes across the trail. It stops in the shade of the trees looking in my direction, and then disappears in the dark.
- We have too high expectations of what is left of the day, but all it really counts is that we are together.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
- I have a new hair cut. I changed my make-up.
- I check their internet site. The beginning-of-school discount is still on the next few weeks.
- After two hours it’s all over. Meeting finished, people gone. I get in my car. My low feelings dissolve, my discomfort eases up. I know there is so much more to come, a little different and with the same protagonists… I let the rest of it out while sweating on my bike. I am done with it (and with them) for today, so done. A good thing.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
- The scent of vanilla in the air as I pass the bakery plant.
- I put the belt back on the shelf and leave the shop empty handed. It feels good to fight the urge for impulse buying.
- As I step out on their balcony I can hear the river sing to me just like it did when I was living at my grandparents’ (next door) as a child.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
- I wanted a different Sunday. We drove to another town, been to a beautiful church, then joined the celebration at their local school façade renovation opening and had a great time. It was the first time I saw my friend speak at a public event.
- Entering the garage and finding one of the vehicles gone.
- A short hike after the rain shower. The air is crisp and the views are so clear. Blackberries by the side of the road.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
- We are late, but I manage to take photos of them before leaving to mark the first day of school like I always do.
- Jay and I walk up to the music school’s principal's office to ask for a new plastic water bottle with the school’s initials that we had lost somewhere. And he is so kind to give us two bottles - for free.
- While scrubbing our bathroom I listen to Jay and her mate discussing rules of their game outside.
Monday, August 31, 2015
- I am glad I get a lovely promo notebook & colouring book that I can give away to my colleague.
- A letter from a dear blogger. A wonderful surprise!
- First day of school tomorrow – big preparations! It's great to see my girls so excited.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
- When I got home they both come to greet me and give me a big hug. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
- There is a lot of sun when we come to the house. We don’t like the house, and there is a heavy silence after we get in the car, so I figure it is best we just drive on, someplace, anyplace. How about ice-cream in the sun.
- I bump my car. The concrete fence is just fine, of course, and my car’s rear is scratched. I think it has more of character now. Life goes on, and that is a good thing.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
- Jay leaves a lovely note behind for me and my mom, saying that we should be cheerful and laugh a lot while she and Em are away.
- After an hour of uphill hiking I come to realize that I am fine and not at all out of breath.
- Just as we make it to the Korošica plateau, 1803 m alt, the clouds reveal the awe-inspiring mountains high above.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Away on business today and having a wonderful wonderful time:
1. touring a dairy plant
2. meeting great people
3. crisp air, breathtaking views and special dishes... see for yourself!
1. touring a dairy plant
2. meeting great people
3. crisp air, breathtaking views and special dishes... see for yourself!
|A bumpy ride from Zatolmin.|
|Planina Sleme pastures at 1449 m alt.|
|Frika, made of potatoes and cheese, a shepherds' delight - and ours.|
Sunday, August 16, 2015
- We had lots of veggies for lunch today. And a fruit snack. Rice instead of potatoes. Much of the food Em has missed over the last two weeks.
- Today Jay wants to prepare something special. She serves ice cream with whipped cream and banana-cuts.
- Just as I set out on a hike, it starts raining. I make it to the top of the hill and back in ten minutes, sheltered by leafy tree tops.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
- Lots of stress over a wallet I seemed to have lost. So relieved.
- We stop at Trojane to buy some donuts for our friends. There’s a queue outside the donut shop and Jay suggests she waits while I park. There are another 5 people in line behind her when I get in. Soon after a rain shower outside, a faraway thunder and just as we pay for the donuts the electricity goes out. So lucky.
- For a brief instant neither Jay nor I recognize Em walking through the Arrivals gate. A sweet reunion followed by a long drive home with Em talking all the way, and lots of fun in our bathroom at midnight. Grateful. Happy.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
- I get so carried away reading that I only notice it’s time to go to work when my colleague stops her car right in front of mine.
- After I am done with my cycling workout I go down to our bedroom and find Jay cutting paper hearts and stars in bed. Tomorrow she will be making a welcome home garland for Em.
- My mind is spinning and I can’t get to sleep. Then I imagine doing a free fall jump with no parachute, no rope. It works. It totally works.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
- The second I stop the car in our driveway, Jay leaves her game and comes to me to give me a big hug.(And then she wants to know what activity I have planned out for the afternoon…Yep, hugging comes with a price: no napping time for parents during summer holidays.)
- Jay and I go on a biking tour down to the fish ponds and then cycle on to the playground next to the tennis court. A group of kids and some adults are having a training of some sort, and it turns out they are the local amateur firefighters. My cousin is among them and he is also the chef for the corn grill that follows. Jay has some sweet corn while we watch a little girl learn to play tennis. What a treat, what unexpected wonderful time we have!
- A late night call from Em. We are counting days to our reunion, yes, we are.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
- Jay increases the number of books she borrows at the local library for this week from 3 to 4. And I find a brand new Still Alice in English.
- As Darja opens the door of the yoga room to let some fresh air in, there is cat waiting outside.
- Jay has recently developed a great interest in shows with amateur family chefs cooking against professionals. We watch one together tonight and it’s really fun!
Sunday, August 9, 2015
- My Sunday morning hike. The old trail seems different every time.
- Three hours at the public event watching and listening to a very popular group Modrijani, playing national music. Jay liked it, too. And I didn't even want to go.
- Em’s update. Spent a day in London. I am so happy she could give us a call (and I hate it that her own phone doesn’t work).
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
- Jay and I glue together another donut box and it is really lovely. Then she runs off to play outside.
- Amid bathroom cleaning frenzy my phone rings and I know it is Em.
- At bedtime Jay asks me to read to her from her book about music. She suggests we find the group I once told her about (The Beatles). We read the introduction and then I promise her we will listen and watch them on youtube same time tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
- Speaking to Em over the phone after not hearing her voice for 2 days. She is in Level 4 out of 5, one teacher commented on her good pronunciation and she has met great young people from Belgium, Czech Republic and Croatia.
- They seemed like the kind of people who would change the place a lot. A while later I realize I might just like that.
- My 4 new cd’s with music from the 80’s.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
- Notebooks with images of lavender, strawberries, chocolate on the cover, scented. There are only few in the big pile of notebooks that I bring home but Jay spots them right away and she is thrilled.
- A cool breeze from the riverside when I come from around the corner.
- Jay’s nails with red polish are lovely, just lovely.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
- Coming back from the sun at lunchtime I rinse my hands up to my elbows with really cold water and then let it run for a while on the inner side of my wrists. Cool!
- Jay’s friend Neža comes over for an afternoon play date, hurray!
- Today was Em’s last day at her summer job. It was a hard working experience at a local supermarket. I am glad she suggested it and she seems happy to have taken this challenge, too.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
- The dentist smiles and says there is no problem about not having Em’s health insurance card with us.
- As I wait looking towards the local park I can see a very little girl from behind, pushing her mommy on the swing.
- I feel restless even after my yoga class. I clean up the kitchen and vacuum at 10 p.m. Afterwards I feel better.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
- We all wear clothes with floral pattern to church.
- A short cycling tour at 7 p.m. We make a stop by the river damn, sit on the wooden bench, eat cookies and watch the fisherman in the water.
- As I sit on the couch and watch the international news review and then the series just like last Sunday, with Jay stretching her legs over mine on my left and Em leaning her head on my right shoulder, I think to myself how indeed this is all that matters and the rest will work out somehow.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
- After lunch we have ice-cream. Lots of ice-cream. One of those that my girls like best, schwarzwald.
- They seemed like a nice family. Only that I didn’t want anyone in the house that I had so actively participated in constructing, furnishing, decorating over a period of 11 years, not even nice people. But it so happens… I don’t think any new potential buyers will make it as hard for us at the very first ones walking through our dining room, kitchen, girls’ rooms.., looking, commenting. No, I don’t think so. And that is good.
- I plant another bed of beans in the vegetable garden. They say it is going to rain at night.
Friday, July 10, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
- Finally, I get into action: I call the tourist agency after not having received any reply to my e-mail in weeks; in the afternoon I walk into their office and have a form filled out; now we wait for the booking confirmation.
- We have some yummy ice-cream outside Café Evropa downtown Celje.
- While we stay at Irena’s I get my book back. I am looking forward to re-reading it this summer.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
- I pick some melissa and mint leaves before the rain. Jay helps and enjoys it a lot.
- Trees, creaking and twisting in the wind. So wild, so beautiful, I can’t help but walk to my vegetable garden again to be a part of it all.
- Jay took a photo of the heavy clouds outside, amazed by the line on the horizon that they had created. She circles the line on the photo on the ipad screen and writes a comment to it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
- I don't have any flower pots in our windows this year. But I love looking at others' and the ones on the ground floor flat balcony that I pass in the morning are really beautiful.
- Jay's face smiling at me through the office window lifts me up. I shut down the computer and leave immediately.
- I should have known that Em was going to keep the earrings I had bought for myself the moment she sees them… But she says I can borrow them sometimes. And that is a good thing.
Monday, July 6, 2015
- A cold shower in the morning. Only a few days ago that I started with this and I feel and perform so much better.
- I am happy to have Em come to yoga with me so that on the way she can share about her working day at the store and her plans for this week.
- Jay’s mini ponytails to make her less hot at night.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
- When Em says she had told her best friend about our family prior to her Saturday night sleep-over and an embarrassing Sunday lunch I am relieved.
- In the evening the girls and I watch together the weekly international news review and an episode I really like.
- As I let down the window roller shutter I see the stars and suggest Em to go out in her pajamas. Jay and I join her moments later. It is a beautiful warm starry night. (I don’t remember ever leaving the house in my pj’s to watch the stars at night. There is a first time for everything.)
Thursday, July 2, 2015
- Our colleague buys lunch. We sit out on the porch of the restaurant and it is really nice and comfortable.
- The owners are kind and talkative, a happy couple. And the house they want to sell seems like a happy house.
- I come home late, a long day indeed. A walk would do me good. I spend the evening with my girls instead. My happy hour.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
- I find my shiny long earrings (…in Em’s drawer) and wear them to the office.
- Today was my no-more-procrastination day for sending sell-out data to two suppliers, dying my hair and writing the advertisement for the real estate site to be published tomorrow.
- Jay tells me about how she hasn’t exercised at all today and talks me into exercising together to an old VHS Billy Blanks’ tae-bo tape which we haven’t done in a long time. I am really happy to hear her call for daily physical activity, and to have done this mini workout together.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
- Usually my Sunday morning is very busy and strictly organized. Not today. I take it easy and still get things done.
- Jay is proud of her uphill cycling. She does remark about Em making it all the way to the house without stepping off her bike, but she agrees that she and her legs are getting stronger with every ride and every run.
- When at 9 p.m. the chill is spreading inside of you, threatening to freeze every positive thought, paralyzing, you just need to get up, apply a face mask, then wash your hair and be beautiful and ready for a new day, for a new start.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
We spend the day at Ljubljana. There is lots of sun and joy in the air.
- Drummers in front of Franciscan Church.
- Jay remembers the clay buttons I once bought for her in a quilt shop, and two minutes later we just happen to find the exact artist who had made them, and her booth at the street art fair in the streets of Ljubljana. Same situation, another artist: I spot lovely illustrated postcards in the shop window but the shop is closed; later I pass the artist’s stand with the same postcards. I love art that we can touch and buy and use.
- I am trapped in my car at the parking lot with lightning and thunder that makes the ground shake, but living through it feels liberating.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
- Em’s brief on the two picnics she has been to.
- I make it all the way to the top of the hill and back, only in two rounds: two thirds of the way in the morning, almost solo, only accompanied by birds chirping...
- … and the last third in the afternoon with my friend Irena and our girls, topped with pastry, right from the oven, and ice-cream.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
- Em returns home earlier than me. And she is cooking lunch today. Lentils soup and pancakes. Even Jay agrees that it’s yummy.
- First they bicker then they get to enjoy the game (of badminton) and the company of one another. I can imagine this will be the pattern for the next 70 summer days. It’s a good one though, I think.
- I dig and tend the last patch of the vegetable garden. No more weeds.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
- I pass a house that seems abandoned. It could be just for the summer. It could be for sale. A spark of hope.
- A glass of South African red wine at dinner.
- An invasion of ants in our kitchen. I take the usual measures, and I am done within a few minutes. Em helps. No long faces, no discussion, almost a fun project at 11 p.m.
Monday, June 15, 2015
- There are very few sprouts of my beans, so I figure I could add some to fill the empty rows in the garden, but when I remove the moist soil from the top I find that also other young seedlings have taken off, and obviously only needed rain to give them a push.
- When I see the disappointment on her face, I give in and take her along to the yoga class. I shouldn’t have done it, because it is adults only, but the teacher is glad to have her join and eventually it turns out to be a good experience for all. I am amazed by her discipline to stay quiet and work along. After all, she is only nine and so full of life.
- I finish my 7-day journaling late at night. I am so not used to handwriting anymore, so I am glad I pushed myself to do it.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
- The good thing about taking a train home is that you get to read a book for 20 minutes.
- My aunt’s floral-print harem pants are super lovely.
- The rhythmic gong bath is so relaxing I get carried away a couple of times and nap a little. Jay falls asleep. It is the first time my girls both attended, and that is so nice.
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
- The virus seems to be active again, making me cough and sneeze 10 times in a row. But I am fighting it. I am fighting all the bad in my life and making room for more good.
- I remove clutter from the bathroom. I am tired so I go through the stuff quickly and without being sentimental about every single item in my hands. A good experience.
- A storm is raging over our house. I enjoy the sound of the pouring rain, thinking of my vegetable garden.
Monday, June 8, 2015
- I am the first parent at 7 a.m. to fill out the form at the music school for Em's solo singing class starting in fall.
- I can’t enter the highway at Zalec, yet no roadworks sign. Not a good thing. But as I take a detour I realize I could make a really quick stop at the school where my friend works as the principal, and that is a good thing. I am glad I had an extra bag of cherries from our garden to leave with her.
- The wall painter stops by to check the bathroom walls. He is a very hardworking and kind man, I can tell, and I am really glad he managed to find the time to do this job for me.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
- A thick envelope in the mailbox. A long letter and lots of photos. So nice. Thanks, Laura.
- Just as I am done covering the beans with moist soil, I hear Jay calling from the balcony when I will be coming inside.
- I took a challenge. I am learning Italian for 10 minutes a day for the next 30 days. I brushed off the dust from the Italian learning kit with cassettes that I had bought more than 20 year ago.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
- My colleague who lives in the same area is kind to give me a lift home. There is lots of heavy traffic and a 20 km drive takes 45 minutes, but neither of us complain about it.
- Jay gets to leave her music theory early and runs off to the library section with her friend Liza. So much joy, so much energy!
- My friend Mojca texts me about her vision and it is a lovely one.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
- Participating at the Carinthian piano competition.
- Having me take a photo of her and her piano teacher together.
- Winning a Golden Award for coming second best in her category.
- Jay’s piano playing at the competition moves me so much that my eyes fill with tears.
- A young stag in the meadow behind our house. Jay spots him first from her room, and calls me to share the beauty of it.
- Meeting my relatives outside the block of flats which made the reunion much easier.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
- The parking lot is full. I manage to find some space by the side of the road. Feeling lucky.
- I manage to get by without having to talk to anybody at the scene. My discomfort for being in their territory vanishes as soon as I leave the place.
- The man is kind to clean my car back seats after closing time.
Monday, May 18, 2015
- I spend seven hours in retail, replenishing the fridges with dairy products, coating pizza doughs with tomato sauce, grated cheese and olives, and feeling great for being away from the office computers.
- I buy cakes, but then as I drive through her neighborhood I instantly decide to stop by to say hello and give the cakes to her. It is a good thing.
- There is a cool evening air coming down from the woods. Tall grasses in the meadow. Moist soil that had only been fertilized once in 11 years since we’ve lived here. Will I be still living here when the tomatoes are ripe, the tomatoes that I haven’t even planted yet. I don’t know. I remove another snail from the lettuce. I’ve dug almost a quarter of the vegetable garden and tomorrow there will be tomatoes growing there. Everything’s fine. The girls are inside and I can hear Jay’s piano playing. Everything’s fine.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
- My hands smell of lavender.
- I get a most lovely birthday card from Jay. And my first lip gloss. (The one that I get to keep. Because the one I bought just last week got confiscated and made it all the way to Paris and back and is now in Em's make-up bag.)
- Em returns safely and is very happy with everything she has seen and experienced during her school trip.
Monday, May 11, 2015
- My new shoes: mary janes with embroidery.
- Talking to Em. She loved the view from the Eiffel Tower.
- Sitting outside on the porch of a lovely small house. So relaxing and light. As if one who lived here could actually cope with all the work inside and outside and one’s own life in general. Which would be such a welcome change for me.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
- The nurse is kind enough to reschedule my appointment to Monday so I can go back to the office.
- As much as she likes to object my suggestions and opinions, Em does like to hear them. Even at the hairdressers’. But then she does it her way. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
- While waiting in the car outside the music school I spot two birds in the tree, sitting on the same branch, closest to me, twittering as if talking to one another.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
- I have colleagues that can give me a lift to work and back. I am so lucky.
- When I see little Naja in my cousin’s arms in her pajamas I remember holding my own girls at this age, so warm, so sweet, and deep inside I long so much for those short years. So tonight I have this wonderful chance to have a toddler sit in my lap and for once again I’ve fooled my heart so it doesn’t overflow.
- I sneak up on Em's balcony in the dark and look down at the lights and the hilly horizon. Warm summer air and the sound of crickets chirping. So beautiful. I think to myself how I never really took the time to enjoy this place and all it has to offer and how grateful I am now for these moments.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
- I spend the entire train ride talking on the phone to my friend Barbara. About nothing and about everything.
- I have a to-do list and I managed to tick off two tasks, one of them being “make copies of Em’s personal documents” (before her school trip to Paris…!).
- Blow-drying their hair before bedtime is the best part of my day.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
- I lie, saying that “yes, I was at the pharmacy”. It’s a good lie because I don’t want her to worry.
- As Jay and I return from church we go up to Em’s room and Jay stays with her big sister. Later I find them lying on Em’s bed, laughing and embracing one another. Love.
- I clean up my bag of all the receipts and other unnecessary papers. I even find an umbrella buried somewhere beneath all that clutter. My bag is so much lighter now. I am lighter.
Monday, May 4, 2015
- I collect Em from school and she has so much to share about her day. Our drive home is so different and so wonderful.
- I walk into the room and say what I have hesitated for such a long time. The good thing about it is that I have gathered the strength and done it. It sounded surreal, but it is the only way.
- A late night meditation.
Monday, April 20, 2015
- My colleague Manja from work is so kind to stop in the middle of the street and give me a lift to the office in the cold early morning.
- I take a long lunch break. I walk the streets of the downtown, indulge in a decaf and cookies and stop at the bookstore.
- The smell in the hall is exactly the same as it had been when I was a student at this school.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
- A workout for a good start of the day.
- I was lucky to spot a documentary about Marie Curie at Sorbonne last night which should help Em with her school project, and today we watch it together right after lunch.
- As Jay and I walk down the road three goats come right towards us, two of them being the sweetest little creatures I have seen in a long time.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
- Bathing in the sun at lunchtime.
- A sudden breeze from the woods cools the air just as I am done putting seeds of carrots, lettuce and radishes into the ground. I drape the fabric right over to keep them warm.
- At midnight I feel like I am capable of doing crazy things. But I talk myself into letting go and sleeping, just sleeping.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
- I like her hair-cut and wish I had the same.
- Jay never fails to amaze me with her cheerfulness. Even after almost two hours of math exercises.
- I laugh really hard. Stories from our everyday life that we share over the phone are just so crazy yet we endure all the lows and do little to change them. Bursting into laughter at the end of the day is so relaxing.
Monday, April 6, 2015
- We are awed by snowflakes several times during the day: in the sunshine, in the snowstorm… beautiful.
- It is wonderful to have A. come visit with her son. No computers and coworkers around.
- Pegged laundry in front of the fireplace. Em gone to the bathroom, our big bathroom with warm floor tiles and hot running water. I watch a documentary about Pedro Opeka and feel we have too much of so many things and lack others, but I am grateful, so grateful.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
- Palm Sunday is one of my favorites Sundays. I knew all seats would be taken before we’d enter the church, but I prefer to stand outside with Jay and all the chatty happy people, to be in the sun, waiting for the priest’s blessing.
- I recheck the spinning chair again and see that it is indeed in perfect condition and worth the price I set.
- A sense of relief when I see him leave.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
- When Jay finds knee socks in pink, with black music notes her face lifts up.
- After we reach the top we sit on the bench and Jay leans against me. There is wind in the treetops and there is no place I’d rather be.
- I listen to uplifting TED talks instead of watching tv before bedtime. Indeed, what is the worst that can happen if you give it a try?
Friday, March 27, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
- In-between returning from work, music class and church I spent little daytime in the house, and that is good.
- I can see right into her heart when she sits down by my side. Watching dance groups’ appearances for two hours and not being a part of it anymore was too much for her.
- I so much enjoy the movie character Walter Mitty seeing the world and beyond.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
- The smell of Spring coming from the woods as I wait down by the driveway.
- I am happy to hear that my sight hasn’t deteriorated all that much.
- So wonderful to have a full service and lots of attention at the optician’s (who happens to be my classmate from primary school), so unlike the last purchase of eyeglass frames at some other place.
Monday, March 23, 2015
- As soon as I come home Jay happily shares details about her test in Slovenian, about how very well she thinks she has done at it.
- At the mall a toddler flapping hands in excitement while looking through the glass panel from her pushchair.
- Em leans on me and together we watch an episode about gold mining in Bering Sea.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
- A Sunday sleep-in for my sore muscles.
- As we walk the trail I show Jay the lungwort, the first one I have noticed this Spring.
- We return late from the charity concert but I manage to prepare an evening snack, have Jay in bed by 8 p.m., workout and listen Em rehearse her history presentation about Augustus. Altogether it feels like a good end of the day.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
- We are both tip-toeing in our conversation, still it is really nice to see her stop by our house.
- Em has planned out her evening: the appearance with her school choir, then late night shopping with friends.
- Fridays are Jay’s favorite. Because she has made it a rule to stay up for as long as she wants. I agree to that. Now Fridays are my favorite, too.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
- I catch the train and get to the music school on time to attend the mini Spring production. Jay plays wonderfully and I am really happy about it.
- Em wishes to explain to me all about cells from her biology class and while listening I relax on the couch and don’t get up even when I hear B coming upstairs.
- I manage to quiet my mind and just be for a minute. Life starts making sense again and I can go to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
Monday, March 16, 2015
- The meeting with the tutor is inspiring. He loves what he does and seems very relaxed and motivated, and overall funny. I haven’t heard an Irish accent in many years.
- I expected to have to argument but it goes smoothly.
- I love it that the movie has been made into a musical. I like the redhead.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
- Tried jogging again.
- Saw a rainbow, my first in 2015.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
- A morning hike. First windflowers.
- Weekends used to be a well established routine. Over the last two months the list of tasks is pretty much the same, but there is no schedule. Just going with the flow seems challenging and that is good. Like, at noon I am mopping the floor instead of cooking lunch.
- Jay finishes another three pages in her workbook in the evening. After 4 days of absence Jay has to catch up with her school work and is doing really well.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
- After a long white night a long sleep-in with Jay.
- Em texts me about the time of arrival just minutes before and just as I am done putting the grocery in the car. Perfect timing.
Yes, it’s March 12th. They say that on St. Gregory’s birdies wed.
We are two birdies wedding right here, says Jay and moves closer to me.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
- I am grateful for another day of my life. Going to work again is good.
- All day long I expected good news from Em. Em told me so. Then what she texts isn’t good, but it isn’t bad either. She is working hard and is most eager to learn and I am so proud of her.
- Fake it till you make it, I say to myself. And I do and eventually I feel better. After a long day of too much of everything I am smiling.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
- I love love Jay’s card that she has made for me for Women’s Day.
- Jay feels much pain in her heel again and for a while I feel sorry we went for a walk, the three of us. But then we pass the moor and pick snowdrops and we all enjoy it so much, the flowers, the sun. At home Jay makes a bouquet for my Mom.
- The path to the studio is lit up and so is the parking lot. It make me feel safe, being in a dark unfamiliar neighborhood.
- picking snowdrops
- practicing yoga in a small room with 11 other people
Saturday, March 7, 2015
- Mom kindly suggests to drive back to the store to be buy ice-cream and an hour later we are indulging in Viennetta vanilla with layers of chocolate till it’s gone.
- Blue hepatica all along my trail in the woods.
- The pile of toys doesn’t seem any smaller, but Jay and I did manage to start filling the give-away box and the paper waste box.
Friday, March 6, 2015
- The classroom is full of children and their mommies and grannies, all creating out of collage paper and having a good pre-Woman’s-Day time together.
- Jay endures her heel massage and then the Bowen’s therapy. Her good spirits counterbalance my worries.
- We play Genial so late into the night, we don’t hesitate going straight to bed after we finish the second game.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
- I am happy to be awake in the morning. What a nightmare.
- Elegant shoes with a flower pattern. I only spot them once throughout the day at the office but they stay with me.
- Late night wind raging in the tree tops behind our house and all around, making sounds that give me shivers. So grateful we are safe.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
- At sunrise a cloudy veil just above the horizon.
- The kind librarian makes copies of math exercises for Jay and doesn’t charge me anything.
- I feel depleted in the evening yet I stay up with Em who continues with her physics studies in my bedroom, and that is really nice, to have her sit on my bed next to me, with her notebooks wide open, to listen to her talking to herself, repeating definitions about things I know nothing about anymore, and to look at her smiling face when she exchanges messages with someone whose name she doesn’t want to reveal.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Monday, March 2, 2015
- Waking my girls up in the morning is my highlight of the day. The warmth of their cheeks, their neck, their bodies. Like they have just come out of a cocoon.
- Em comes out of her room with a smile, happy with her studying for the test in physics.
- An e-mail about a new Sunday evening yoga class. I sign up.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
- been to a concert at the local music school
- checked the first real estate; it’s not the one, but it’s a start, the step I had been scared to take
- seen an Iranian movie on TV after a long time; my expectations weren’t met though
- found photos while copying files, taken right after the move into our house 11 years ago; Em’s eyes and smiles, so sweet.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
- When we return from our short hike I instantly decide to cut the dead stems of the shrub on the edge of our driveway. No prior planning.
- Mom helps me collect two bags of clothes, toys and children’s magazines that will make someone happy.
- All of a sudden I feel the urge to check my phone and I see an unanswered call from my friend.
Friday, February 27, 2015
- My colleague from work is so kind to offer me a lift to Zalec, to Jay’s music school.
- Em texts me that her chemistry test went really well.
- Jay beams after the practice with the professor, and says how proud she is to have played with him.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
- The view of the snow-capped hills in the morning.
- While Jay is at her music theory class I do a short hike in the woods. The trail is muddy and there is little light, so it seems really dark and scary and raw but I like it. Like I am on a survival quest.
- The filled pasta is really delicious. I have forgotten how good it can taste.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
- The room is only half full and most of the parents sit in back rows as if we were afraid of the teachers. There is an empty chair right in front of me and then my cousin walks in and takes it, and we get to chat before the meeting starts.
- On our way from the school parents’ meeting we talk about our children and our everyday, and then she gets into a topic I am very sensitive about. I soon come to realize it has nothing to do with me, but with her own situations that I can relate to from another point of view. I am really glad to interact with a person of common sense and emotional intelligence.
- It is only after I do my mini workout and read a few pages that I feel at peace with myself and the world.
Monday, February 23, 2015
- I pass a shop with sewing supplies. I walk in and buy some strings for friendship bracelets for Jay, in 10 different colors.
- Cuba is a lovely café downtown Celje. I have a decaf and cookies before the meeting. Enjoying the moment.
- As I walk in the bookstore I heave a sigh of relief. A white-bearded man standing next to the shelves with a book in his hands looks up, puzzled, then says: So many books, right? I smile back and reply with a yes.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
- gone ice skating
- transformed into a 1968 hippy 5 minutes before taking the girls to the school masquerade
- tried skiing again
- joined a 4-hour Saturday morning yoga class (my first yoga class ever)
- seen a local amateur theater comedy
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
- I spend the whole morning in the sun on the ski slopes of Golte. So does Jay, while learning to ski. It feels good to be outside, in all that whiteness. I feel safe.
- I run into U, a colleague from work who has recently undergone an operation and then a breasts’ reconstruction. Her attitude is uplifting.
- Em helps me with uploading photos. I am still not used to my home computer, so her help is really appreciated.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
- I feel a genuine excitement within while walking from the junction to the office.
- I was hoping I would not have to attend the business meeting. I couldn’t get out of it. It goes well.
- Now, years later, I get to know details about a story I thought I had only created in my mind. And there is nothing good about it, only that I am happy to see how far I have come in my self-appreciation.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
- I wasn't looking for a birthday present but amid all the cute little things I see something Jay would be happy to have.
- Em says we could have our own reality show like the Kardashians. I like her remark, so sarcastically hilarious. Not that I have seen a single episode of theirs ever.
- At the end of the day I would have loved to let it all out, but I had no one to talk to. All I could was let go. And I did.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
- As I get out of the house and walk down the hill the clouds open up and there is the sun, so much sun.
- I run into the same elderly couple at almost the same spot on the trail where we met yesterday.
- I saw Still Alice tonight. And I feel so much appreciation for all the memories that I have… of my children, of the times when I was a student, of the prom, of my parents and grandparents, of my loves… of the beautiful and painful things that have happened to me, of the people that have once been a part of my life and then left for whatever reason, and of the ones that with me that I am happy to share my life with… All we really have is today.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
- Saturday morning is a perfect time to peel oranges really slowly and look at the snow-blanketed fields through the kitchen window.
- In the afternoon it is my first time ever to see a snow shower and the sun shining at the same time. What happened to the rainbow?
- The skirt my cousin had ordered for us is exactly what Jay was hoping for… Little Naja points at the lace with her tiny finger.
Friday, February 6, 2015
- For once I did not have to put all the groceries from the cart into the car and then take them out again and carry them up to the kitchen. I think I will make this a habit, to go shopping on our way from work instead of making a solo Saturday afternoon trip to the store. Why not share heavy loads, at least the most common ones.
- Jay loves the puzzles from Frozen that I bought her.
- My friend Darja’s news makes me feel happy for her, although I know it’s only just the beginning of her dealing with this new situation.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
- I am pleasantly surprised when I call Jay from downstairs if she will be going to her athletics and she responds with a yes.
- Both girls are in a very good mood because class (in most schools in the country) has s been cancelled for tomorrow due to heavy snow forecast.
- We walk down to the store, my Mom and I, and we run into my cousin’s spouse and their little son, playing in the snow. (I really miss seeing this sweet boy more often. By the time I pass by again, with a rucksack full of groceries on my back, I find they have gone home already.)
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
- I have a couple of minutes to myself in the hallway by the vending machines. Gathering my thoughts, thinking about how every new day is a chance to try again and again and again, and how I shouldn’t lose hope.
- There are signs about exposure to X-rays on all three doors to the neighboring room but I only have to wait there a short while.
- As I walk into the bookstore I wonder about a particular book, and there it is, right there, when I look down.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
- As we drive down to my Mom’s, Jay and I, we remember a scene from a cartoon and we both laugh out loud. It is a good start of the day.
- At lunchtime a walk to the mall and back to make some urgent purchases. I begin to feel my muscles from my morning squats.
- We run around the house like crazy, all three of us, looking for Em’s book Hamlet. I spot it on top of the piano.
Monday, February 2, 2015
- Jay is pressured by her classmates about which group she should join. She doesn’t want to be a part of either of them, she just wants friends and not gangs. We all know this if-you-are-not-with-me-you-are-against-me attitude… Em has experienced it, now Jay is faced with it. I am really glad she confides in me.
- After an whole hour at the dentist’s I am most happy to shut my mouth.
- An old friend’s husband in the waiting room. It’s a funny situation because I don’t recognize him at first, but I manage to save us all the embarrassment.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
- Unlike the red mittens I was wearing during my yesterday’s walk the purple ones feel far more comfortable, not irritating the rash on my hand.
- A snowflake landing on my glasses.
- Jay makes the cake all by herself for the very first time. She mixes the flour, and the syrup, the oil, the egg, all other ingredients, covers it with frozen red current, and off it goes into the oven. We have big pieces after lunch. Delicious. She is proud of herself and she should be! I am, too!
Saturday, January 31, 2015
- A glorious dark blue sky, white snow and dark naked trees is what I see through my bedroom window.
- They laugh out loud as they throw another snowball at me, although I am only pressing my face against the glass on the other side of the kitchen window.
- Jay’s and her school mates’ performance on stage at the local cultural centre. They do some children’s folklore dancing and they are really sweet (especially when messing up the final bow in front of the audience).
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
- We learn multiplying by 6, Jay and I. Going well.
- Discarding difficult thoughts and faces that keep flashing up in my mind. Need to make up some space or else I will go crazy. Breathing. Feeling better.
- I handwrite a long letter which I haven’t done in years. I struggle at first but then I am happy with the process.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
- I am the first parent to walk into the empty classroom. It’s all so familiar: the smell, the walls. This used to be my school once.
- I can tell that we are both tip-toeing around the topics related directly to our girls. I had witnessed Em’s agony over her best friends’ sudden unexplainable withdrawal just at the beginning of last summer, and I am happy she has gotten over it and that I, too, am fine with this limited communication.
- I am grateful to be able to call it the day and go to sleep. Surely, tomorrow things will be better, so much better.
Monday, January 26, 2015
- Back to the office after a week of sick-leave. Greeted by the sun shining through the window.
- At lunchtime I walk to the bookstore to buy some supplies for Em.
- She sneaks into my bed, frustrated by math exercises that don't go as smoothly as she was hoping. I tell her to appreciate her learning more and more every day, to go easy on herself, especially at 10 p.m. And with my arms wrapped around her, her long hair in my face I think of all the great things I wish for her.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
- I cleared the Halloween and Christmas décor from Jays’ desk. I am spending 30 minutes decluttering every day and it is going well.
- My leg hurts again, but I don’t feel any discomfort during my cycling session and that is good.
- Em is content with her grades end of the first semester and I am very happy about it all, her grades, her passion for learning and her developing skills to deal with stress and to restore balance.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
- First I thought I’d do some more cooking, but then I put on my hiking shoes and go for a 30-minute walk in the woods.
- I burnt the vanilla pastry. If it hadn’t been for B, I would have taken them out of the oven 2 hours after I had put them in. I am grateful I didn’t burn the house down.
- I text her in the morning, and she gives me a call back just as l lay in bed to read.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
- Em wore her new high heels to school today. She is taller than me now.
- I got a make-up kit in the mail today. What a kind gesture. The lady must have known my mascara is one year old already.
- A great evening. I declutter some shelves in Jay’s room. And I get to read The Fault In Our stars, Em’s recent favorite, late into the night.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
- While standing in parking lot, waiting for a friend from the office to give me a lift to work, I look up and there is the beautiful full moon again, its bright shine with a pink rim, and a lacy cloud wave running over it.
- I use rubber gloves to do dishes for the first time. There are no perfect fit, but they are perfect for my dry chapped hands. Self-care is good.
- Apples and bread from the oven. Thanks to my Mom.
Monday, January 5, 2015
- It’s dark and shivering cold as I walk from the crossroads to the office. I am warm and I am fine with the fact that it is Monday. I take a deep breath and change my morning frown to a smile. There are so many things I have to change this year.
- I look at my 8-yo girl while she learns for school. She is bold and beautiful and I am so proud of her.
- With Em sitting in the middle of the big bed and going through her lessons out load I can’t possibly continue scanning the real estate sites. And that is a good thing. Because I have gone from checking the same sites from once a day to three times a day and now it’s about time I stop and I listen about how the Slovenian language developed over the centuries.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
- After an hour of standing by the side of the skating ring I am most happy to get back into the car and turn on the heating.
- Mail delivered on a Saturday! A Christmas card from an old friend from Denmark! Hurray!
- Em and I choose to watch the rest of the movie we had started the evening before. I love it when the movie character Mr. Clark says to his wife “The one thing I am proudest of in my whole life is that you’re happy with me.”