I feel my friend's excitement. She is eager to take part in that course.
When I see my teenage girl's face and hair, not curly but straight, I see me.
Moving my stuff from one desk to another. Feeling like an absolute professional failure. Building a career for 15 years and this is the same position, only in a different division. But I welcome change. Any change is good.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
I have a cold but I feel so much better today.
It's such a bright and sunny day it seems like Spring (but feels like Winter).
My teenage daughter and her classmate set a date to start on their assignment on idioms for the Slovenian class. Special assignments are the only part her school work that really get her full attention.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sleeping in. Cartoons are being watched, breakfast is served, and I am still in bed.
She comes rushing back in within minutes."Veš, kak' je mrzl'!" (you have no idea how cold it is!) she says and her cheeks are like two red apples.
While reading the English story out loud she makes a whole dramatization with her voice and gestures. Who says homework's boring...?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I got through the day at the office without having a hot-dog, a cake and a drop of sweet strawberry wine, all the extras I would have forgotten all about by the time I got home. Today I am doing all it takes to break the old habits. Tomorrow I will have to start all over again.
By the time I am out of the door again pancakes with my friend’s homemade jam are made, served – and gone.
Our parental meeting at the daycare centre starts with photos of our children involved in their projects and activities.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Lettuce, grilled cheese and yoghurt dressing for lunch.
There is a teenager on the fitness bike. I glance at him and there is something familiar in his face and his straight red hair. Then I see him smile at a friend and it’s the smile from more than 20 years ago, an age this boy hasn’t even reached yet.
Coming home from the gym I tiptoe into the living room hoping to watch the one movie in the whole week on TV. Soon I hear the squeaking of the door behind the wall separating the rooms and within two minutes a piece of paper lands on the floor. It says, in capital letters: HVALA BOGU DA SI PRIŠLA (in English: thanks god you came). I laugh out loud and go search for the little sender.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I imagine the same situation happening in a week. And the week after. And I understand myself better. For now.
I sensed their resentment and it affected me but after a while I decide to pick my thoughts and let go. I don’t want to please everybody. I can’t and I don’t want to.
The plan to get to work super early tomorrow morning after a hopefully good night sleep come crashing down the moment I feel her hot forehead. Nothing else matters anymore.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
If I had had an alternative, I would have left yesterday… So far there is one good thing about the new position they expect me to take: I get the my old pay back.
Post work-out energy overload.
I thought I’d surprise my teenage daughter by picking her up after her dance class. She doesn’t think it’s any big deal until I tell her that we’re off to the movies, just the two of us…!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I have something for you, she said. A book. Her first. In it she wrote her first story. About a butterfly and the desert and the sun and the seagulls.
I mail the big envelope and it is a relief. I may not be able to ever deal with the emotional loss, but at least I am getting over and done with the bureaucracy.
Long showers. Lavender soap. Soaking feet. Tee tree cream. Reading. Tonight my bathroom is my spa.