- Jay is beautiful in her whiteness, with her wavy hair, an angel indeed.
- For a few minutes the extended family reunion feels like good old times.
- I find the perfect spot for my yoga mattress. I am ready to focus just on myself.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
- My colleague who lives in the same area is kind to give me a lift home. There is lots of heavy traffic and a 20 km drive takes 45 minutes, but neither of us complain about it.
- Jay gets to leave her music theory early and runs off to the library section with her friend Liza. So much joy, so much energy!
- My friend Mojca texts me about her vision and it is a lovely one.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
- Participating at the Carinthian piano competition.
- Having me take a photo of her and her piano teacher together.
- Winning a Golden Award for coming second best in her category.
- Jay’s piano playing at the competition moves me so much that my eyes fill with tears.
- A young stag in the meadow behind our house. Jay spots him first from her room, and calls me to share the beauty of it.
- Meeting my relatives outside the block of flats which made the reunion much easier.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
- The parking lot is full. I manage to find some space by the side of the road. Feeling lucky.
- I manage to get by without having to talk to anybody at the scene. My discomfort for being in their territory vanishes as soon as I leave the place.
- The man is kind to clean my car back seats after closing time.
Monday, May 18, 2015
- I spend seven hours in retail, replenishing the fridges with dairy products, coating pizza doughs with tomato sauce, grated cheese and olives, and feeling great for being away from the office computers.
- I buy cakes, but then as I drive through her neighborhood I instantly decide to stop by to say hello and give the cakes to her. It is a good thing.
- There is a cool evening air coming down from the woods. Tall grasses in the meadow. Moist soil that had only been fertilized once in 11 years since we’ve lived here. Will I be still living here when the tomatoes are ripe, the tomatoes that I haven’t even planted yet. I don’t know. I remove another snail from the lettuce. I’ve dug almost a quarter of the vegetable garden and tomorrow there will be tomatoes growing there. Everything’s fine. The girls are inside and I can hear Jay’s piano playing. Everything’s fine.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
- My hands smell of lavender.
- I get a most lovely birthday card from Jay. And my first lip gloss. (The one that I get to keep. Because the one I bought just last week got confiscated and made it all the way to Paris and back and is now in Em's make-up bag.)
- Em returns safely and is very happy with everything she has seen and experienced during her school trip.
Monday, May 11, 2015
- My new shoes: mary janes with embroidery.
- Talking to Em. She loved the view from the Eiffel Tower.
- Sitting outside on the porch of a lovely small house. So relaxing and light. As if one who lived here could actually cope with all the work inside and outside and one’s own life in general. Which would be such a welcome change for me.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
- The nurse is kind enough to reschedule my appointment to Monday so I can go back to the office.
- As much as she likes to object my suggestions and opinions, Em does like to hear them. Even at the hairdressers’. But then she does it her way. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
- While waiting in the car outside the music school I spot two birds in the tree, sitting on the same branch, closest to me, twittering as if talking to one another.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
- I have colleagues that can give me a lift to work and back. I am so lucky.
- When I see little Naja in my cousin’s arms in her pajamas I remember holding my own girls at this age, so warm, so sweet, and deep inside I long so much for those short years. So tonight I have this wonderful chance to have a toddler sit in my lap and for once again I’ve fooled my heart so it doesn’t overflow.
- I sneak up on Em's balcony in the dark and look down at the lights and the hilly horizon. Warm summer air and the sound of crickets chirping. So beautiful. I think to myself how I never really took the time to enjoy this place and all it has to offer and how grateful I am now for these moments.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
- I spend the entire train ride talking on the phone to my friend Barbara. About nothing and about everything.
- I have a to-do list and I managed to tick off two tasks, one of them being “make copies of Em’s personal documents” (before her school trip to Paris…!).
- Blow-drying their hair before bedtime is the best part of my day.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
- I lie, saying that “yes, I was at the pharmacy”. It’s a good lie because I don’t want her to worry.
- As Jay and I return from church we go up to Em’s room and Jay stays with her big sister. Later I find them lying on Em’s bed, laughing and embracing one another. Love.
- I clean up my bag of all the receipts and other unnecessary papers. I even find an umbrella buried somewhere beneath all that clutter. My bag is so much lighter now. I am lighter.
Monday, May 4, 2015
- I collect Em from school and she has so much to share about her day. Our drive home is so different and so wonderful.
- I walk into the room and say what I have hesitated for such a long time. The good thing about it is that I have gathered the strength and done it. It sounded surreal, but it is the only way.
- A late night meditation.