- I am the only person out of three working for our category purchase today. I ignore obvious signs that this is the time to have a nervous breakdown. Instead I just want to kill the first big boss, but I am not able to plan out all the details due to one hundred e-mails in my inbox, and another one hundred to be sent out, two meetings and phone calls that are being put through to me from three phone numbers. So for now I just have this black rubber ball with a coffee logo that I covered with a post-it saying ‘I am a ticking bomb’ that I plan to place on the big boss’ computer keyboard… Well, not really, but just the idea of it makes me smile and that is a good thing.
- Watching Jay play the piano in a duet with her teacher, with such confidence and deep concentration in a room full of people for the very first time. I am amazed.
- I seek for my usb device in my summer purse and I feel sad not finding it… it has stored a lot of my writing… then I realize the inner pocket has a hole and I eventually retrieve it from between layers of fabric.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
- We schedule my car service and when she finds my name and address in her computer system she smiles. »I live in the same town, at number 290!«
- I look at Joy, sitting at her desk across from me, and she’s bathing in the golden sunlight coming through the eastern office window.
- After having spent more than 10 hours at the office I am totally exhausted, and I am more than grateful to have a hot vegetable soup and a crispy burek waiting for me.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
- Jay has created her own little presents for my Mom’s birthday. It involved lots of drawing and writing, and afterwards wrapping. I can’t remember ever writing anything for my Mom when I was my girls’ age… but I do remember taking the bus to another town to buy her something nice at the mall. I was still in primary school so that was really bold and I can’t imagine my girls doing that today. We each make efforts to show affection and appreciation for people in our lives. And I really love the way Jay is doing it.
- I was really tired and I sneaked into Jay's room but they tracked me down within 2 minutes. I made the call I was asked to do, and I am really glad I did to make her fears go away.
- Em and her classmate had got an invitation to meet the Gremo mi po svoje 2 movie crew. It’s taking place this weekend. Em has decided to invite two other mates from school to join her which I think is really nice and should be ots of fun. I wish I was (almost) 14 again and coming along.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
- It’s a raining just a little and Jay agrees to go for a walk with me. We enjoy the view from the southern slopes and feel energized by the fresh air.
- I can’t remember meeting any teenage girl with such nice manners and overall sweet personality… I feel appreciative of her presence in my daughter’s life hoping they might become good friends.
- I pretend it’s not my priority although I know better but I get through the day easier that way.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
- I run errands and make stops at the bank, the pharmacy and the drugstore. I am amazed at how much I can get done in 25 minutes and still get to the gym to pick up Jay in time.
- I scratch my car leaving the parking lot with Jay. I check it out when I get home and it doesn’t look that bad which is a good thing (at least it seems so in the dark…) so I chose not to torture myself till I have it repaired and have a bill to pay.
- We laugh so hard at bedtime that my muscles start to hurt. Jay want to save me (and especially my hair that I washed and blow dried earlier) from Em that keeps throwing a moist towel into my head.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
- My colleague brings me the music. I am really happy about it.
- Jay is absolutely thrilled about having done so well at her math test. She gives me a call to the office to share the news. And at home she asks me if I am proud of her, more than once. I am very proud of her. This is a big thing for all of us.
- Joy is my boss. This is not her name, but I think it fits her perfectly. Speaking of ‘fits’, she actually is the most fit woman I know. And today we joke about the three of us, working together at the office, doing a marathon in March. I mention this to Em in the evening, wondering if she might join in as well, and she starts laughing. She says ‘this is going to be really interesting’, knowing I haven’t been jogging for more than a decade, never ran a marathon and would need to invest a whole lot to follow through and do it. I think it’s time to start thinking why I can do this (and other things) instead of thinking why I can’t.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
- After my lunch break I feel a boost of energy and get to work which is good because I had been depressively unproductive for hours.
- I am challenged by Em’s bad attitude as she struggles through new and new pairs of Dr. Martens shoes and none fit well. But then at the third store we find the perfect red shoes that she will be wearing on stage at the school event on Friday.
- Watching another episode of Paradise with Em while Jay settles for bedtime with her Daddy. The series is naively romantic but we really like the costumes and scenery.
Monday, November 18, 2013
- I extend my lunch time for another 30 minutes. I sit in the sun, enjoying the golden rays and warmth, and pretend I needn’t go back to the office.
- I have the bills paid, get the groceries and still make it on time to pick up Jay after her athletics.
- I do an exercise about the pain and the gain from taking and not taking action, and the outcome is interesting. I often underestimate the effect of writing and exercises like these, but the mind has its own way of working indeed.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
- I spend more than 30 minutes in the morning reading a printed-out e-book in the booth before actually registering my arrival and walking into the office. What luxury.
- She makes small cuts into the dough with a teaspoon and that’s it. Gnocchi on the plate ready for boiling. Simple and yummy.
- Evening air crispness on my hot face.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
- I had a very different scenario for my afternoon, or what was left of it when I got home from work, but then suddenly everyone around me had their own plans, involving me as a key provider for what they wanted, and I felt the tension build up. And when I had just enough, and it wasn’t just about the quinoa on my plate, I started doing dishes. I am grateful for dirty dishes.
- Jay wants to do a presentation of a book tomorrow and spends most of the time drawing the kangaroo and not as much focusing on her retelling the story. And when I comment that she needn’t also draw all the animals from the farm, she says she likes doing it. And I agree that actually that is a very good idea. And I think to myself, so what if it’s not what I had in mind, and if it is a little late and time to take a shower and to brush teeth. It’s something that is giving her joy.
- I thought I needed to stay up late again, to finish doing laundry. I start reading about mindfulness and it is only when I get to the chapter about being mindful about our bodies, that I drop everything and go to bed.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
- I wake up fairly late but do my work-out all the same.
- It is raining outside and I sneak into Jay’s bed to take an afternoon nap.
- Cookies for my friend’s birthday. Three different kinds. Jay helps out. I especially like the ones with ginger and allspice, and the girls like the ones filled with caramel.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
- I gave myself a much needed pedicure and massage last night and my feet and my toes feel great.
- We are the last customers in line, as the store has already closed, but the cashier lady is just as smiling and kind as always.
- There is a stand-up comedian at the local theater tonight, but I said no yesterday when my Mom asked me if I was going. And I cancelled the reservation for the table at a fancy restaurant for tomorrow. I know these things - and others - used to bring me joy, but I don’t want them anymore. But after I watch Once I check every song from the movie that I can find on youtube and I feel I really want this movie soundtrack and that is good.